Spend Your Money On What Matters
Maybe your Hearthstone is traveling to cool places to eat gelato, like I did in Austria
We all spend money, but most of us never find happiness. Why do you think that is? We’re all chasing the same thing. All trying to get to the same place. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize we are completely off course.
If you’re chasing happiness through your spending, you’re probably doing it wrong. It isn’t that your money can’t bring you happiness. Money is one of the biggest tools you have in your arsenal. When you align your spending with your Hearthstones, your money will not only bring you happiness. It’ll bring you something even fewer people ever get. It will bring you fulfillment.
Your Hearthstone: Defined
Your Hearthstone is the area of your life where you need to focus. It is the thing that brings you the most joy. In other words, it’s the area that makes you feel rich no matter how much money you have. Focus on your Hearthstone, and you will live a life of fulfillment. That’s simple enough, but it’s hard to practice. First, it’s difficult to nail down what your Hearthstone is. Second, it’s easy to get sidetracked.
To spend extravagantly on your Hearthstone, you have to cut back on other areas of your life. That seems restrictive, but it isn’t. You only achieve fulfillment through spending on the things that matter to you. There’s a good chance you either won’t notice the lack of spending in other areas, or you won’t care. You’ll be so focused on how great it feels to focus all your money on the things you care about. This is spending on your Hearthstone.
If you’ve ever spent money only to feel like you were wasting it, that’s spending out of line with your Hearthstone. A key step towards living a life that excites you will be identifying your Hearthstone. Everyone is unique, and you can’t find fulfillment in life by spending your money like those around you. Maybe you have similar values to them, or maybe you don’t Either way, your Hearthstone is yours alone.
Finding your Hearthstone is going to be a lot of trial and error. There are a few things you can do to make the process a little easier. Once you find it you’ll be able to level up your spending and start living a life that excites you. (Can’t free up the money to spend on your Hearthstone? Sign up for our FREE Budgeting Roadmap to learn how to make your budget work for you.)
Take A Walk Down Memory Lane
Your Hearthstone is yours alone. Only you can decide where you need to spend your money. It will take a lot of introspection to nail it down. Maybe you care about fitness and want to spend hundreds on a gym membership. Maybe you want to take your kids to Disney World every year. Maybe you want to be able to take a vacation every single month (at least for a weekend, anyway). Maybe you need your artisanal coffee beans delivered to your door every morning. Maybe you just like fancy meals.
As you can see, there are a lot of different potential Hearthstones. What matters most isn’t exactly what your Hearthstone is. What matters is that you can design your budget around your lifestyle. You can spend what you want on the things that matter to you. To figure out what matters to you, take out a piece of paper (or open a notes app), and we’re going to go through a quick exercise.
An Exercise In Introspection
Take the next few minutes (maybe 5 or so. This doesn’t have to take long) and write down as many examples as you can think of when you remember being happy. A walk in the park. A great meal. Time with your parents. Whatever you can think of, put it down. Go back as far as you want. A few good childhood memories never hurt anybody.
Once you have a solid list, say 15-20 items, start comparing them to one another. What are there similarities? What are their differences? Your items might all include meeting new people or spending time with those you love. They could represent once-in-a-lifetime experiences or everyday occurrences.
Odds are, you’ll start to notice a few common themes that tie several of your happiest memories together. Roll with those themes as you work to identify your Hearthstone.
Your past helps shape your future, and remembering when you felt the most at peace will help you decide where to spend your money going forward.
Take A Look At Your Spending
Now that you have a preliminary idea of your Hearthstone, take a look at your spending for the last few months. Haven’t been tracking your spending? That’s okay, now is as good a time as any to start. You’ll never live a life that excites you if you aren’t paying attention to where your money goes.
Pull up bank and credit card statements if you need to so that you can get an idea of where your money has been going. While you’re looking at your spending, try not to judge yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t think you did too hot; don’t celebrate too much yet if your spending actually looks pretty good.
Bring Your Spending In Line With Your Ideal Life
Focus on how your cash flow compares to your Hearthstone. Also, pay attention to how you feel about the things you’ve been doing with your money. Feel good about your money, but it’s nowhere near in line with your Hearthstone? That means you’ve gotten your priorities a little off. Maybe what you’ve identified used to be your Hearthstone, but it has changed. It’s also possible you identified a Hearthstone that you felt like should be your priority, but it actually isn’t.
Remember, you aren’t trying to live anyone else’s life, even if that person is your past self. Be honest with yourself about what your Hearthstone is at this point in your life. There is no “right” or “wrong” focus for your money. Change your Hearthstone to match the things that actually bring you fulfillment.
If your spending doesn’t line up with what you know to be your Hearthstone, correct it now. Look for things you don’t care about but find yourself spending a lot of money on anyway. Cut back on those things. This will align your spending with the things that actually bring you fulfillment. This is how you start finding excitement in your life again.
Take A Poll of Your Friends
Sometimes we’re too close to our own lives to get an accurate picture of what’s going on. Our judgment gets clouded by our own emotions, thoughts, and pasts. In these times, it’s difficult to identify your own Hearthstone. It can be useful to seek input from those close to you. Hopefully, they’re willing to be honest with you about what they see in your life. Make sure they don't put their own Hearthstone on you.
Offer to buy a friend a cup of coffee and ask for their input on the things they see in your life. Visit your parents and see what they have to say. They may be better equipped than you to notice when you seem happiest or most fulfilled. Maybe you think you love traveling, but they’re able to remind you that you’re miserable in airports and get motion sick in cars. Sometimes we miss the little things that keep us away from fulfillment.
You May Be Too Close to The Situation
Those close to you are there to be your support network. They also witness the ups and downs of your life from a more impartial angle than you do. Use the insights they can have to help home in on your Hearthstone. Ask several friends or family members when they remember seeing you happiest, most fulfilled, or most at peace. Take to heart what their answers are, and make sure not to judge or discount anything they say. All information will be useful in figuring out what your Hearthstone is.
Give Yourself Some Flexibility
Once you’ve done some introspection, analyzed your spending for the past few months, and asked around to the people who know you best, you should begin to develop a clear picture of your Hearthstone. It’s okay if you aren’t completely sure, and it’s also okay if you have more than one. Any more than about 2 or 3, though, and you need to go back and reexamine. Chances are, you’re telling yourself something matters to you when it doesn’t.
If you still can’t decide, ask yourself how your life would change if you could never spend money on that thing again. If you’d be miserable, you may be hitting on a Hearthstone. If it would suck for a while but you’d adjust, that thing isn’t an important focus for your money.
A few common Hearthstones
Below I’ll talk a little about a few common Hearthstones, and how you can tailor your spending to each of them. By focusing your budget around your Hearthstone goals, your life will feel exciting and rich even if you don’t have a high income. This is by no means an exhaustive list. These aren't the only ways to maximize your spending around your Hearthstone. Your Hearthstones and how you focus on them are up to you.
Travel
Some people love to see exotic places. For some, it’s about history. For some it’s about getting into a culture they’re unfamiliar with so that they can learn. Some, the food. Some people want to go to cool places so they can take cool pictures once they’re there.
Regardless of the motivation, travel is a Hearthstone spending area for a lot of people. It can be first-class flights to Europe or a nice relaxing weekend at a bed and breakfast a couple hours from your hometown. Travel allows you to break out of your normal routine and experience new things.
Focusing your budget on travel can mean a lot of things. It might mean opening a rewards credit card so you can rack up the miles (something I do). It probably means planning in advance where you want to go. Research flights and hotels and rental cars and everything else that goes into a trip. It might mean not taking those “sick” days from work every third Friday so that you can enjoy a longer trip once a year.
Family
This is a pretty common Hearthstone area for anyone with kids. Whether you want to make sure your kids can take part in the extracurriculars they want to, save for their college, or make sure they have great experiences while they’re young, a lot of parents make spending on their children a priority in their budget.
I am all for spending on the area that will bring you the most fulfillment. If you believe that is your children, I say go for it. Family presents a unique opportunity to actually pare back on your spending though, or even to pair it with another Hearthstone of yours.
Think back to your favorite memories from your own childhood. Chances are, you are remembering a specific experience with people who loved you and made you feel safe. What you aren’t remembering is the expensive toy or the fancy clothes you had on.
Your family should be a priority in your life and in your budget. Do not sacrifice their happiness in the name of frugality. But remember that more than anything, your family wants to spend time with you and build memories. Memories come from experiences, often free ones. This can result in significant cost savings and allow you to put money away for college or retirement, for example.
Status
A lot of people hold status as their true Hearthstone spending area. And yet, most people won’t come right out and say this when they’re asked. They’re ashamed, or they feel like they “should” value something else more than they value their status. This leads them to frustration and guilt.
A desire for status is hardwired into our brains. It gives us an advantage over others that helped us stay alive when we were hunter-gatherers. It’s okay to embrace that. The only time chasing status becomes a problem is when you are chasing a status that you don’t actually have. In other words, a desire for status can lead to debt.
But assuming you actually make enough money to afford it, there is nothing wrong with prioritizing status in your budget. You can buy a fancy car or clothes that make you feel good about your station in life. Cut back on the things you don’t care about, and focus all your spending on balling out to show your status.
Fitness
Of the examples of Hearthstones I have highlighted here, this one may be the healthiest. It also baffles people who don’t identify with it at all. If fitness is your Hearthstone, you should focus your spending around that. Hire a personal trainer to tailor your workouts to your exact needs. Get a membership at the fancy gym if you want to, the one that includes massages and saunas.
People who don’t focus on fitness as their Hearthstone will think you’re crazy when you order the grilled chicken salad with no dressing at the steakhouse, but that’s okay. Remember that focusing your spending on your personal Hearthstone is that: personal. Your friends and family don’t have to understand why you’re spending so much on athletic clothes or personal training. It isn't their life.
Set Your Spending On It
Once you know your Hearthstone, all that’s left to do is focus on it in your budget. Slash every expense that you can to make room for spending as much as you want to on your Hearthstone. Try that out, and see if it starts to bring you fulfillment. If it doesn’t, that’s okay. It means your Hearthstone may be a little bit off. Don’t be afraid to experiment for a while until you dial in what it is you really care to spend your money on.
Once you do know what it is, and you’ve made room in your budget for it, don’t be afraid to go all-in on your spending.